BPI terminates contract with Oompa-Loompa IT Firm


In the wake of a massive technical glitch that affected its clients causing balances to be incorrectly debited or credited, BPI has had no choice but to immediately terminate their contract with their Oompa-Loompa IT Outsourcing Firm.

Spokesperson for BPI said in a statement to Agila News, “We have to had to unfortunately sever ties with our Oompa-Loompa IT Firm, where we outsource a majority of our development and technology-related operations. While we were initially impressed by their practical jokes and singing, we have since realized that they actually do not have any programming or database experience. Some of them have never seen a computer before.”

As everyone knows, Oompa-Loompas are small humans who would end up being preyed upon or attacked by the various predators that also reside in Loompaland before Willy Wonka BPI invited them to work in his factory at their office and are paid in their favorite food, cocoa beans mutual funds, which were extremely rare on their island.

While BPI assures its clients that no money has been lost, and that normal banking operations will resume soon, they have also began looking for a new IT Outsourcing Firm. According to a bank insider, “I think its time to focus on stop hiring foreigners and give back jobs to our local work force”. Several front-runners are companies represented by Kapres, Dwendes and Manananggals.


BREAKING NEWS. Palace: September 28, 2017 an official (non-working) national day of “working” unpaid holiday of working and paid vacation.

“Para malinaw lang kung me pasok o wala.”

To shed light on the confusion between conflicting announcements of Department of Labor and Pineapples (DOLE)  and Malacanang, another communication memo was released by the Malacanang communication team to clarify the situation:

“To make way for the ASEAN meetup happening in Metro Manila, September 28, 2017 an official  (non-working) national day of ‘working unpaid holiday of working and paid vacation (peksman mamatay man)*” according to Exec Secretary Sally Mendiola.


Official memorandum of understanding the understandable.

When asked for clarification, this note was distributed to the press. “I hope this sheds light on the situation,” Mendiola said Thursday evening to the collective groans of HR and Accountants.

Asked for comment, Rex Millora, accountant said the following: “Puta, ano raw?!”

Thank you, Malacanang.

*DTI NCR Permit Number 23334 series of 2007

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