Local Idiot defends Martial Law using website of even bigger Idiot

An Artists Rendering of what the Internet would look like with Martial Law

Rolanj Gastok is a modern day rebel. Despite all the evidence and facts stating the contrary, this fucking moron still thinks that Martial Law, “isn’t that bad“.

“I know that every peer-reviewed book, both local and international, paints Martial Law in the Philippines as it’s darkest hour, but I still think this is just being exaggerated.”, Gastok tells Agila News in an exclusive interview.

“Sure, I can go on the Internet and look at hundreds upon hundreds of online articles that chronicle the human rights violations that occurred as well as the huge economic debt that was accumulated which my children, and their children, and their children’s children will forever have to pay off. ” the stupid dumbass continues. “Or, I can go http://www.takethispilipinas.com and read unverified nonsense and unsubstantiated conjecture that feeds the inner troll in me that believes anything opposite of the status quo because it seems cooler.”

Agila News contacted the asshole that runs TakeThisPilipinas to ask his sources, and he just sent a picture of his actual asshole. This confirms studies and investigative reports that most pro-Martial Law people are full of shit.

Agila News is painfully aware that a lot Martial Law defenders might get offended by this post. That in retaliation, they might post their own horribly written articles attacking this or any entity that shows a any opinion than differs from their own. Agila News should remind these idiots that the reason anyone is allowed to speak their mind at all was because the Filipinos rose up against Martial Law.

And just because Agila News is against Martial Law does not mean that they are pro-Aquino or under the payroll of the Yellow Conglomerate. It just means that Agila News is ANTI-getting-their-nipples-electrocuted.

Scientists conclude that February 29, 2016 will happen only once in our lifetime

Team of scientists around the world have recently finished a 25 year study that found incontrovertible evidence that February 29, 2016 will happen only once in the entire lifetime of the universe.


“This is probably the biggest single discovery of science. “, says Professor Martin Stein of Hudson University. “This finding ranks up with the Higgs Boson, Gravitational Waves, and figuring out the cheese sticks go best with a mixture of ketchup and mayonnaise.”

Although worldwide collaboration took place, the research mostly took place at the Large Huge Calendar (LHC) facility in Switzerland. About a trillion bazillion dollars went in to creating the calendar, according to industry insiders. Most of the funding went into adding paintings of The Last Supper on top of the calendar.

What does this finding really mean to most non-academic people? Simple: Each day is special, and you should never take for granted time spent with loved ones, and live life to the fullest because you never know when it will end. But, more importantly, it means you should never, ever, EVER say that gay people are lower than animals, because just like February 29, 2016, Nike endorsements only happen once in a lifetime.