CHRISTMAS EDITORIAL: “Parang tumaba ka”, sabi ng Tita mong kupal ngayong Reunion¬†

May bago kang trabaho. Mataas din ang year-end appraisal mo. At mayroon kang bagong kotse. Pero sa lahat ng magandang nangyayari sa buhay, ang comment lang sayo ngayong Christmas Reunion ay, “Tumaba ka ata”. 

May bago ka nang girlfriend. Kamukha ni Anne Curtis. Sobrang sexy, at matalino pa. Siya ang pinaka unang babaeng dinala mo sa reunion. Feeling mo siya na ata ang papakasalan mo. At habang ka-holding hands mo siya, hinawakan ng Tita mo ang tiyan mo at sinabi niya, “Unli-rice ka palagi no?” 

Nang biglang mabilaukan ang Lolo mo. Naalala mo ang first aid training Sa high school at tumakbo ka para bigyan siya ng heimlich maneuver. Niyakap mo siya sa likuran at pagkatapos ng iialang saglit ay lumipad mula sa bibig niya ang parte ng manok na muntik nang tumapos sa buhay ng Lolo mo. 

Nagpasalamat ang nga kamag anak mo sayo at niyakap ka ng mahigpit ng Lola mo. “Salamat ng marami iho”. 

Lumapit ang Tita mo sayo, tinitigan ka ng mataimtim, ngumiti at sinabi niya, “Buti na lang malaki tiyan mo o baka na-tepok Lolo mo!” 

Gago ka talaga Tita. Kita kits ulit next year. 

Duterte cusses at Philippine President : “Wag syang makilalam. Mumurahin ko talaga sya sa mukha nya.”

Que?

“Wag syang makikialam.”

In the latest development of Rodrigo Duterte’s other war: his war with words, the Philippine president accidentally cursed at the Philippine president, at himself. He said these strong words during a press conference held after gracing the graduation ceremony of the latest batch of preschoolers in ‘Lil Salamangkera Daycare center in Bagong Ilog, Pasig early Monday.

Since taking to power, Duterte has been consistently  in the headlines around the world for his scathing remarks and cusses against leaders of various  countries. Although allegedly mostly taken out of context, these statements have been largely controversial, and now it seems, even the current Head of State of his own country, the Philippines, has not been spared.

“P*tanginga nya kung makikialam sya,” Duterte said, “I take my war on drugs seriously and anybody and I mean anybody who tries to politicize my efforts is my enemy. Putangina. Wag syang makikialam. Mumuhrahin ko talaga sya sa mukha nya.”

The statement came about when BANATAN reporter Marvin Manlibog asked him a totally -not-leading question:  “Mr. President, what can you say about the efforts of the current head of state of the Republic of the Islands That Used to Be Colonized By Spain, Japan and the United States – the Philippines,  who has repeatedly contradicted your statements on the War on Drugs?”

This totally-not-intentional poorly worded question infuriated President Duterte beyond reasoning and triggered a lecturing spiel that ensured that the journalists  will not have to look for any other news for the next seven days and just spend their time rehashing different reactions from all over the internet.

“Boom panes,” a reporter was quoted saying after updating the scoreboard on who gets to rile Duterte up and make him cuss the most.

When Duterte was asked what he had to say on what  Duterte said against Duterte, Duterte replied “Duterte says what Duterte thinks Duterte does without caring what Duterte feels about it. Ganyan lang talaga ako.”

Spokesperson Martin Andanar insists after the presconn that Duterte was in fact not cussing at himeself. The spiel was directed at the reporters. And that he was taken out of context as he was actually rapping the lyrics of his favorite Salbakuta song, “S2pid Luv”

Analysts are now trying to see if the rap lyrics match the speech.