Study proves that 10 out of 10 straight men enjoy looking at breasts


“I think our findings are very conclusive”, said Dr. Mark Ang-Yak in a press conference earlier today at the University of the Philippines auditorium. “It is no longer in doubt, that men, specifically straight men, enjoy looking at the chest area of women”

The study, which concluded almost 2 weeks ago, was organized and participated in by scientists, sociologists, educators and doctors. “As soon as we announced that we were doing this study, applications from the academic community started pouring in. It was very encouraging”, remarked Prof Timothy Gus PhD, who flew in from University of Cebu (on his own expense) to join the endeavor.

Before the study began, there were rigorous, close-door sessions between the scientists to decide which images to use for the study. “Often, there were clashes of principles and appropriate methodology”, recalled one psychologist from Davao University. “Voices were raised and they almost got violent at some points, but as soon as they started showing the images, everybody calmed down and smiled”

The study started in March of this year. Over 2000 men (again, a remarkable turnout for scientific study) volunteered around campus to participate. The men sat in front of a computer, and were asked to choose between two images: the picture of a woman’s cleavage or a picture of a dead cat decomposing in a garbage dump. In a staggering landslide, 100% of the men unanimously chose the image of the breast. “We have not seen such conclusive findings like this, in like, ever!”, said one scientist.

In another part of the study, men were asked to choose between two video clips: a clip of a woman in a bikini doing jumping jacks or a clip of a homeless person eating a dead cat that was decomposing in a garbage dump. Once again, all the participating men chose the clip of the woman.

“This is an exciting time for all of us here at the university”, remarked a senior member of the study, who was asked not to be named. “I have not seen my wife and kids for more than 7 months now, but I know, in the end it will all be worth it, because, uhm, … science!”

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