The Department of Health announced today that thousands of Filipinos have been afflicted with Holiday Identity Disorder (HID) this week. The epidemic was discovered by DOLE employees during their routine research, known internally as Facebooking. Over the past week alone, researchers have found thousands of posts with Thanksgiving references from otherwise normal Filipinos. Here are a few signs to watch out for to know whether a loved one is suffering from HID.
- Has status updates, instagrams or tweets on Thanksgiving (e.g. Turkey recipes, pumpkin pie recipes, Black Friday sales)
- Does not understand the historical context of Thanksgiving
- Does not know what a pilgrim is
- Once lived in the U.S. for over 2 years or has visited once for 2 weeks
- Has an affected American accent
- Has a 1st world sense of entitlement
The DOH has also compiled a list of other disorders that strongly co-occurs with HID.
- OCD – Obsessed with Cookie-butter Disorder (or anything from Trader Joe’s)
- IHOP Dementia
- Jamba Juice Jaundice
- Colonial Tourette Syndrome (uncontrolled name-dropping of foreign indie/hipster references)
HID often goes untreated because symptoms are typically benign and go unnoticed; also, sufferers are often full of themselves. People within the vicinity of HID patients however may suffer from irritability, annoyance, head-aches, nausea, sighing and uncontrollable eye-rolling. If you experience any of these symptoms, immediately remove yourself from the area and stop all social media consumption. DOLE reports that the current epidemic should naturally subside as we near Christmas time. They do advise people to prepare themselves for expected outbreaks next 4th of July and St. Patrick’s Day.