Identity disorder epidemic strikes Manila


thanksgiving-turkey

The Department of Health announced today that thousands of Filipinos have been afflicted with Holiday Identity Disorder (HID) this week.  The epidemic was discovered by DOLE employees during their routine research, known internally as Facebooking.  Over the past week alone, researchers have found thousands of posts with Thanksgiving references from otherwise normal Filipinos.  Here are a few signs to watch out for to know whether a loved one is suffering from HID.

  1.  Has status updates, instagrams or tweets on Thanksgiving (e.g. Turkey recipes, pumpkin pie recipes, Black Friday sales)
  2. Does not understand the historical context of Thanksgiving
  3. Does not know what a pilgrim is
  4. Once lived in the U.S. for over 2 years or has visited once for 2 weeks
  5. Has an affected American accent
  6. Has a 1st world sense of entitlement

The DOH has also compiled a list of other disorders that strongly co-occurs with HID.

  1. OCD – Obsessed with Cookie-butter Disorder (or anything from Trader Joe’s)
  2. IHOP Dementia
  3. Jamba Juice Jaundice
  4. Colonial Tourette Syndrome (uncontrolled name-dropping of foreign indie/hipster references)
  5. Herpes

HID often goes untreated because symptoms are typically benign and go unnoticed; also, sufferers are often full of themselves.  People within the vicinity of HID patients however may suffer from irritability, annoyance, head-aches, nausea, sighing and uncontrollable eye-rolling.  If you experience any of these symptoms, immediately remove yourself from the area and stop all social media consumption.  DOLE reports that the current epidemic should naturally subside as we near Christmas time.  They do advise people to prepare themselves for expected outbreaks next 4th of July and St. Patrick’s Day.

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59 thoughts on “Identity disorder epidemic strikes Manila”

  1. Brought to you by snotty, supercilious and insecure people who think making a show of rejecting a perfectly lovely sentiment and innocuous Western tradition somehow makes them more patriotic and better than you. My advice? Relax, and have some turkey!

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    1. Well, not sure why we should celebrate someone else’ holiday that marks arrival of foreign people to a land already owned by someone else, illegally takes ownership of the land, drives away its rightful owners and lock them up in ‘reservations’. Nice way to celebrate that.

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      1. Don’t forget: waging biological warfare on the locals, infecting them with smallpox; which basically amounts to genocide.

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    2. Masyado ka naman affected sa article. I-Instagram mo nalang ung Thanksgiving Turkey niyo at maki bandwagon sa mga Tupa katulad mo.

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    3. “lovely sentiment”??? Thanksgiving is pure American, not Western. The British, French Italian (you name it) will be caught dead before they celebrate Thanksgiving. Canadians have their own, different date (its in October), different sentiment. But some Filipinos like you……oh man, where do I start? It’s not about patriotism, its about context. So tell me, who’s the snotty, supercilious and insecure person now?

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    4. Keep the excuses coming haha! The colonial mentality must run deep. The fact of the matter is, it’s an American tradition. Filipinos have no business celebrating it.

      It is a tradition deeply rooted in their history. It is not and has never been some international day for giving thanks.

      But hey, keep eating Turkey and looking silly =))

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  2. Hey I just like stuffing my face full of food no matter what the occasion. I didn’t spend the first fifteen years of my life in the U.S. yet I’ve always had an American accent, have always understood the point of Thanksgiving and have secretly been craving Turkey and stuffing since I’ve heard of it. Doesn’t make me any less Filipino. If someone put out Lechon and Turkey today I’d ignore the bird. Just saying, I know this article’s kind of a joke and a rip on Filipinos who appreciate Western culture but it’s things like this that make me want to watch the world burn.

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    1. Actually, “white people” accent is different from an Asian-American accent. Quite pretentious of you to deem your accent as “American”. 😛

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    1. “While wandering a deserted beach at dawn, stagnant in my work, I saw a man in the distance bending and throwing as he walked the endless stretch toward me. As he came near, I could see that he was throwing starfish, abandoned on the sand by the tide, back into the sea. When he was close enough I asked him why he was working so hard at this strange task. He said that the sun would dry the starfish and they would die. I said to him that I thought he was foolish. there were thousands of starfish on miles and miles of beach. One man alone could never make a difference. He smiled as he picked up the next starfish. Hurling it far into the sea he said, “It makes a difference for this one.” I abandoned my writing and spent the morning throwing starfish.”
      ― Loren Eiseley

      Your wise words are both humbling and enlightening. I will take these to heart, to serve as a guiding principle for how I live the rest of my wretched days. I will be forever indebted to you, and would like for you to know, that you’ve made a difference with this starfish.

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  3. Let us not take this seriously and let us laugh at ourselves instead at how we try to mimic other culture giving it a different spin, then turns out to be just funny! feeling amused!

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  4. Another lesser known symptom is known as BH Syndrome, scientific name as Buttus Hurtus

    One more is thinking that every online post or comment is somehow an attack towards you or people close to you. My advice? Log out and live your life

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  5. I don’t understand why people can’t understand that Thanksgiving is a purely North American tradition, unlike say St. Patrick’s Day, which might still claim to have a (very weak) religious significance. So in that sense, it makes no sense for Filipinos to observe this holiday.
    In fact, some of my American friends actually greeted me with “happy thanksgiving”, and that just made me want to clock them square in the jaw because it totally felt that they were imposing some foreign tradition on me by requiring me to reply “you too”.
    Celebrate your own culture, Philippines!

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  6. haha! This is hilarious. But come to think of it, many folks in the Philippines live in the eastern time zone, so I guess it is normal to celebrate or at least post about it.

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  7. Christmas is a religious celebration/holiday. Religion knows no boundaries that’s why it’s celebrated everywhere around the globe where there are Christians.

    Thanksgiving on the other hand is a commemoration of a historical event that paved the way in the birth of a nation – The United States of America.

    No rules says that Pinoys shouldn’t celebrate Thanksgiving just like there are no rules prohibiting Hindus from setting up a Christmas tree.

    But the big question is, WHY would they in the first place?

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    1. Yeah well they’re required to learn the accent to fool callers, or else they’ll be replaced. They’re just honest people trying to do well in their jobs so it’s a little unfair to judge them based on their fake accent.

      – Not an agent but my job has given me opportunities to interview some

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  8. Out of my 300+ facebook friends i had 0 references to Thanksgiving, excluding some friends and families of mine who are American citizens. You just have crappy friends haha. You should stop adding random people to your list. With a 3000 friends list you’re bound to have some trying hard randoms in there, just like you 😉

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  9. Valentine’s day, Christmas, Oktoberfest, mother’s day…these are all foreign, dear Filipino patriots! Any reason to eat, drink and be merry is a good reason. Don’t hate, just celebrate.

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  10. eto ata ung tinatawag na colonial mentality. may napanood ako sa youtube ung kasaysayan natin tungkol sa edukasyon. binase sa amerika ang model ng edukasyon natin dahil kelangan nila tayo maturuan kung ano ang demokrasya. may parte dun kung saan ung mga estudyante tinuturuan ng kulturang americano lahat puro pang-amerikano ung tinuturo. haggang ngaun dala na natin to at hindi na mababago. nagkamali sila doon. dapat ang ituro ay ang konsepto ng demokrasya at hindi ang kulturang amerikano. pati ingles naging bahagi na ng ating pamumuhay at hindi na rin mababago.

    Siya nga pala. nahirapan ako sa paglikha nitong komento ko a. hahaha!

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  11. If Filipinos are in the US and live with some Americans, then I think it’s only reasonable to celebrate Thanksgiving. May kapitbahay kami dati na kano, nakiki-“Happy Fiesta!” kahit wala naman silang ganon sa states, pero reasonable maki-celebrate dahil nasa lugar (literally) . Pero kung puro pinoy naman sa isang bahay? Hmm..siguro pwede pa rin since nasa US soil naman sila. Pero kung nasa Pilipinas naman at pinoy na pinoy, why celebrate Thanksgiving? Tapos magrereklamo wala ng pera nyahaha xD

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  12. Time is near…that St. Patrick’s day and Groundhog day (including Thanksgiving) will be celebrated in the Visayas…once the Visayas becomes collectively a state of the USA.

    Who wanted more sarcasm?

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  13. How easily we forget how Filipinos are typically attached to, endeared with, or partial to things Western, whether they be holidays(like Halloween, also), fads of all sorts, sports of many categories Like NFL or NBA, and much more. Others may call it colonial mentality or whatever. But it is the 800lbs gorilla that cannot be ignored. And they do not necessarily have to know the nature, history, or intricacies of these holidays and what have you for them to like or adhere to them.

    BTW, take the statements above from one who had spent over 3 decades of his adult life in the US.

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  14. i totally have to agree with this article. i noticed people posting about thanksgiving on instagram and facebook and i tried to remember if they celebrated it last year or two years ago? no, it’s the first time ever celebrating it and they’re just trying to join the bandwagon.

    my family and i have been celebrating thanksgiving since god knows when, but we didn’t celebrate it this year. and i’m glad about it because i hate turkey.

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  15. This is funny but does this apply to Americans who do not have Irish roots and still observe St. Patricks Day? Or bars in Makati that sponsor Oktober Fest?

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