Kim Henares to Santa : Toys are taxable


Quezon City, Philippines

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                                           Who’s naughty, who’s nice?

It’s no longer the season to be jolly. Not for Santa Clause, that is, after Tax Czar Kim Henares of the Bureau of Internal Revenue imposed a freeze order on all of North Pole’s invested funds. Santa Clause reportedly refused to pay for the import taxes accumulated from the toys sent to the Philippines over the years. “Dura Lex, Sed Lex,” Kim was quoted saying during the last Kapihan Sa Star City presscon event. “It doesn’t matter if you’re a corrupt businessman, a boxing icon, or the source of joy for kids on Christmas day. You do business in the Philippines, you pay your taxes.”

Santa Clause, still reeling from the recent scandal he found himself him after Bayan Muna outed him of undeclared fund spending last month, finally felt the need come out in public and defend himself from the allegations. In a short interview Agila News was granted earlier today, Santa Clause dispelled that he is at fault in the current taxation row.

“Seriously, what kind of country needs to tax charitable institutions importing goods from another country? I don’t even earn anything from bringing gifts. I bring this country happiness. And this is how you treat me? Kim Henares is taxing everything. She clearly has gone too far.”

In a texted reply when we sought for comment, Henares replied, “No I haven’t.”

In addition to freezing Santa Clause’ local funds, his magical sleigh and V8 reindeer has been impounded by the Land Transportation Office. His “North Pole” factory has been shut down temporarily as well following a raid by the agents from the Department of Trade and Industry.

Tiny whistleblowers wearing colorful outfits had earlier revealed the factory’s location, not as North Pole, but actually a small building in North Ave. The goods are smuggled out of the country and reimported during Christmas. It has since been discovered that most workers in the factory are in fact misdeclared as elves but are in fact underaged and unpaid Filipino workers that are thin enough to be mistaken as such. Santa Clause is now facing separate charges from the Department of Labor and Employment for illegal human trafficking and various labor malpractice offenses.

“There will be nothing left of Christmas without my gifts,” Santa further said in the interview, “What will the kids do instead of writing their favorite toys and pretending to behave in the runup to Christmas day?”

In another reply from Henares shortly afterwards, it simply read “How about Jesus? It’s his birthday. He paid for our sins AND he files on time.”

Atty. Rednose Reindeer said they will be filing countercharges and appeal against the freeze order this week.  

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