Independent lawmakers have filed a bill that would allow Manny Pacquiao, and other national athletes, to have sex with anyone they want, whether married or single.
The bill provides morality, ethical and marital exemptions for both amateur and professional Filipino athletes in sports competitions sanctioned by international groups or certified by the Philippine Sports Commission.
The bill would allow the athletes to have sex with all wives/girlfriends of men who have watched and or play the various sports of the national athletes. “Gay athletes are not included in the bill. Because … EWWWWWWW!”, a spokesperson said exclusively to Agila News. Retired athletes would only be allowed to motorboat the breasts of the women, although this is still being reviewed by the filing committee. Women athletes are not included in the bill because none of the bill writers could name a current Filipina national athlete.
In their explanatory note, the lawmakers stated that these athletes bring honor to the country. They should be awarded with as much women/sex as they want. “Women should be thankful that they were chosen to have relations with these great athletes. I think that the men will feel very proud to be with women who were deemed worthy of Mr. Pacquiao’s ‘National Treasure’. If you know what I mean,” said the spokesman while winking awkwardly at everyone at the press conference.
“It is very stressful being a national athlete. These men have to contend with fame, money and love from the public. Sometimes, it becomes too much for them and they need some kind of release. This bill aims to provide for those who already have too much,” said a co-writer of the bill who asked not to be named.
He continued by stating, “I know that we can write bills about lessening the tax burdens of the common man, or perhaps raising the minimum salary for our under-appreciated teachers or making education freely available to anyone who wants it, but seriously, no real lawmaker cares about that. We only want what is best for those who can help us campaign and get re-elected.”
This bill is to be included with another bill, filed by Rep. Lito Atienza and others, asking for tax exemptions for Manny Pacquiao, and other national athletes, for prizes and awards that they earned while participating in various international sporting events.