MMDA to propose Genocide as solution to Metro Manila traffic problem


Traffic has always been bad in Metro Manila, and it only seems to keep getting worse during the holiday season. As more and more Filipinos grow frustrated over this worsening condition, all eyes are on MMDA to come up with a comprehensive solution.

A senior official within MMDA has revealed to Agila News a radical out-of-the-box plan. “The most obvious solution could be staring all of us in the face.” says the official, whose identity is being kept confidential. “It’s really quite simple if you think about it. Who uses cars, buses and jeeps? People. If you remove people, there will be no one driving in cars or commuting. And if there is no one driving or commuting, then there will be no traffic.” The official provided us with a graphic illustration of the plan below:

mmda-illustration
“People in cars equals traffic, which makes us sad. But dead people in cars equals no traffic, which makes us happy.”

The plan, known by it’s code name in the agency as “The Final Solution”, was explained further by the official. “Genocide is bad, we all know that. But in theory, it makes sense. Less people means less traffic. This could also potentially help the long lines at malls, as there will be no people to purchase items, or to stock items, or to make items. It really is quite versatile as a solution.”

When asked what method of mass extermination they plan to employ, the senior official replied “Oh no! We aren’t going to murder people ourselves. That would be illegal. What we ARE going to do is let people keep driving during the holiday season, and once everyone is stuck in 4 hour to 16 hour traffic, and discover the futility of the situation, they will just kill themselves. Suicide will be an efficient way to defer costs from the government.”

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