Sun physically assaults Breeze that entered Manila


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Pictured Above: The reason why your underwear is extra sticky these days

In what can only be described as a hate crime, the Sun has claimed another victim today as it beat up, and left for dead, a breeze that entered Manila early this morning.

The breeze, who asked to be named “Whoosh“, gave an exclusive interview to Agila News on what actually happened. According to Whoosh, it had decided to come to Manila, despite warnings from its friends and family, to provide some form of cool relief to its citizens. When the Sun, without warning or provocation, let loose a flurry of humidity and heat and sticky ickyness and “puta ang eneeeeeet”, that immediately threw Whoosh to the ground.

Before leaving the scene, the Sun reportedly told the breeze, “You’re not welcome here ese! If I ever see you in my town again, I’ll rip your heart out and feed it to my chihuahua!”. Bystanders then rushed Whoosh to a nearby hospital. Doctors say Whoosh may never gust again.

Police are actively looking for the Sun. They say they know where it is, but lack the necessary equipment and know-how to apprehend it.

The Sun is also wanted for questioning for its alleged involvement in a series of embarrassing sweat stains and annoying chapped lips.

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