Muntinlupa, Philippines – When 41yo Robert Torres bought his first Ferrari barely 2 years ago, it was like a dream come true – the car is the product of year of hard work in growing his chain of grocery stores. Now that dream is slowly turning into a nightmare thanks to the rise of networking schemes.
“At first, pakonti-konti lang eh. Every now and then, somebody walks up to my parked car, they strike a pose, and then leave. Okey lang yun, kasi ganun din ako nung pangarap ko pa lang magka Ferarri,” Robert narrates. But since the advent of Multi-level Marketing or Networking or Pyramid Scamming, the number of people taking pictures to pretend they have “made it” and are “self-made millionaires” have reached unbearable amounts.
“I can’t even back out of my driveway anymore without them blocking my way, pare. Even at the carwash these douchpacks start snapping pictures with my car before I can even park. Magnet ka ng swerte? E kung Sagasaan kaya kita ng swerte?”
Tired of this unfortunate pattern, Mr Torres has created his own brand of smart car alarms called “Huli Ka Balbon Anti-Networker Alarms” or HKBs The HKB alarms, using its internet connectivity and access to popular networking groups single out posers from the Networking industry attempting to get themselves photographed with the car to show their prospective downlines their “success”. The car alarm sets off a high frequency sound that only dogs and people from Usana, Royale, and Uno will hear. Just like threats of litigation and reality checks this drives them off quietly and efficiently. In some cases, the sound is abrupt enough to snap the marketer back to the reality that they don’t own the car and no amount of pictures will make people believe them.
So far, so good for Mr Torres. “Ever since I installed the alarm, I feel a lot more secure knowing I can move my car without running over somebody wearing shades and endorsing weird health supplements. I’ve saved a lot from having to repair the hood of my car over and over again.”
The HKB alarm system has been so successful that Mr Torres is proposing to sell the alarm to Starbucks as they have become the de facto breeding ground for the South East Asian Wild Networker. “We have a problem, and we gotta rid of it from the source – and Huli Ka Balbon is the solution.”