New Car Alarm Designed To Go Off When Networkers Take Pictures with Your Car


Muntinlupa, Philippines – When 41yo Robert Torres bought his first Ferrari barely 2 years ago, it was like a dream come true – the car is the product of year of hard work in growing his chain of grocery stores. Now that dream is slowly turning into a nightmare thanks to the rise of networking schemes.

“At first, pakonti-konti lang eh. Every now and then, somebody walks up to my parked car, they strike a pose, and then leave. Okey lang yun, kasi ganun din ako nung pangarap ko pa lang magka Ferarri,” Robert narrates. But since the advent of Multi-level Marketing or Networking or Pyramid Scamming, the number of people taking pictures to pretend they have “made it” and are “self-made millionaires” have reached unbearable amounts.

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“What are you doing in my garage?”

“I can’t even back out of my driveway anymore without them blocking my way, pare. Even at the carwash these douchpacks start snapping pictures with my car before I can even park. Magnet ka ng swerte? E kung Sagasaan kaya kita ng swerte?”

Tired of this unfortunate pattern, Mr Torres has created his own brand of smart car alarms called “Huli Ka Balbon Anti-Networker Alarms” or HKBs The HKB alarms, using its internet connectivity and access to popular networking groups single out posers from the Networking industry attempting to get themselves photographed with the car to show their prospective downlines their “success”. The car alarm sets off a high frequency sound that only dogs and people from Usana, Royale, and Uno will hear.  Just like threats of litigation and reality checks this drives them off quietly and efficiently. In some cases, the sound is abrupt enough to snap the marketer back to the reality that they don’t own the car and no amount of pictures will make people believe them.

So far, so good for Mr Torres. “Ever since I installed the alarm, I feel a lot more secure knowing I can move my car without running over somebody wearing shades and endorsing weird health supplements. I’ve saved a lot from having to repair the hood of my car over and over again.”

The HKB alarm system has been so successful that Mr Torres is proposing to sell the alarm to Starbucks as they have become the de facto breeding ground for the South East Asian Wild Networker. “We have a problem, and we gotta rid of it from the source – and Huli Ka Balbon is the solution.”

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49 thoughts on “New Car Alarm Designed To Go Off When Networkers Take Pictures with Your Car”

      1. To Mr. Fatman…..a very interesting question sir…..

        First Network Marketing is a Business Model where products from factory goes to a group of distributors and markets them directly towards users, retailers and network builders….its business simplified by taking out in the equation paid advertising and middleman delivery groups. The same also goes if a network marketing is engaged in service only.

        Second MLM means Multi Level marketing, its a marketing strategy use in network marketing….though network marketing has many compensation plans, im referring only to those acceptable and legal. Network Marketing is actually the offspring of Direct selling,,,,thru its development it has discovered many ways to help distributors to earn more in commission basis,,,,,legally of course.

        Pyramid scam…..is not Network Marketing,,,,,though this illegal way of doing business has COPIED network marketing strategy but with a flaw to distinguised it
        NETWORK MARKETING–LEGAL—has continous reorder of products and its products and services can be bought or acquired by members and non members
        PYRAMID SCAM has no continous reorder, only one time big payment and you can only get the product or services if you will join first….they are selling the membership and not the product per se.

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    1. gusto mo bang kumita? syempre sagot ng lahat syempre… anung klaseng tanong yan hahhaa… Power lang ng power kahit brownout hahaha!!!

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    2. I was with USANA and Forever Living. 99% of MLM in this country is pyramiding even when there is a product. How do we know it’s pyramiding? (1) The focus is on recruiting, not selling. 99.99% of the buyers of the products are network members, not outsider customers. That’s a dead give-away. (2) Since the emphasis is on recruiting, it costs over a thousand pesos to sign up because you have to buy a lot of inventory and pay a membership/sign-up fee as well. (3) The usual indicators of pyramiding are either or both (a) binary system where you need to form a pair of direct downlines, and so on, and/or (b) you are allowed to buy multiple positions. I experienced (a) and (b) in USANA and (b) in Forever Living. Want to know what real legitimate MLM is? It’s direct selling a la Waters Philippines or Natasha or Avon or how insurance is sold.

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    3. kahit pa hindi pyramid, talaga namang yung mga ibang networker na galing sa mga sinabi niyang kumpanya ganyan ginagawa para makakuha ng downline haha.

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    1. THE PHOTO YOU USED IN YOUR WRITE-UP ABOVE, SIR , IS GUARANTEED NOT YOU. BECAUSE I KNOW THAT PERSON POSING NEAR THE BLUE FERRARI AND THE BMW. THOSE 2 CARS ARE HIS! HE IS A CLOSE FRIEND OF MINE, HE IS A PRO NETWORKER AND YES, HE EARNED HIS MILLIONS BY BEING A PRO-NETWORKER. YOU, ON THE OTHER HAND, ARE JUST USING HIS PHOTO TO PROMOTE YOUR OWN CHEAP CAR ALARM. GET A LIFE WILL YOU?

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  1. this is really bad for the image of MLM industry.. well if you’re employed then please don’t hate networkers like us… each one of us have our own ways to earn money, please respect both clans.. this really makes me cry..

    Liked by 1 person

      1. naman. haha apir. as long as you know that you are genuine in helping other people, your company is legit, theres nothing to be pissed off about it.

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  2. Well, I happen to be under one of those companies mentioned there. I have to say, the guy has a point. It’s not about being marked as a pyramid scam, its about tricking people to join by showing them photos that makes false statements.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hah, panalo ang satire na ito. Mukhang maraming natamaan, HAHAHA.

    And duh, MLM is JUST THE NEW TERM for the ‘ole Pyramiding Scam. Stop denying this networkers. It’s the same freaking scheme… SAME.

    Go get a decent dayjob or create your own business (meaning not earning through recruitment). Sheesh.

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  4. Laki ng problema mo, dinamay mo pa ibang tao. Mayaman ka naman pala eh? Eh bakit di mo pagawan ng garage na natatakpan yang mga kotse mo? Hahahaha too much hatred in your heart, bro.

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  5. ganon talga. mas mayabang ang mga programmer kesa mga networker. yung gumawa netong “satire” na ito. may kilala syang networker na parang “aso” lang dati. pero ngayon nakaferrari na. kaya lakas ng inggit nya. kasi iniinvite din sya dati.

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    1. programmer ang gumawa ng satire na to? gumawa lang ng satire programmer na agad?.. pede bang marunong lang gumawa ng blog?? .. tsk..tsk..tsk.. kala ko ba openminded kayong mga networker?.. hahahahhaa

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  6. Some butthurt networkers don’t know what satire is 😛 but seriously no matter what type of networking it is or even what it is you don’t have to be such an epic poser just to earn money. Just explain what you’re offering in plain honesty, no scams or whatever period.

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  7. sa mga di nakakaalam ng “satire” try nyo google.. saka dun sa mga nasakatan… openminded kayo diba?.. yan yung tinatanong nyo lagi diba?.. nyeta… hahahaha.. la lang.. mas natawa ako dun sa nagcomment dito.. kesa dun sa article.. hahahah

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  8. Nice article. But did you get permission on your image? He is Hafiz from Malaysia and he is indeed the owner of that blue italia. Purchased it with his earnings from PhytoScience.

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  9. Nice article. But did you get permission on your image? He is Hafiz from Malaysia and he is indeed the owner of that blue italia. Purchased it with his earnings from PhytoScience.

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  10. i was invited before to this so called MLM presentation sa friend’s house ko inside a village. the presenter showed us their car sa picture it was like a honda CRV. when the presentation was over. She was calling “daw” her driver to pick her up. tapos biglang sabi ng friend ko baka pwede ko ba daw sila ibaba sa main road kasi di daw ma locate ng driver yung bahay. My wife and I agreed na ihatid sila sa main road. Panay sabi sa amin na pasensiya na yung driver kasi namin bago lang. Eventually bumaba na sila sa main road by the waiting shed and we have to make a u-turn. We tried to observe them at a distance na di na kami makita because we’d like to know if their so called car and driver was real. Lo and behold sumakay ng jeep after 5mins.

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