Man Can’t Decide What To Do With Time Gained By Driving Like A Lunatic


"EDSA ain't no boss of me. "
“EDSA ain’t no boss of me. “

Norbert Ilagan, a proud Montero Sport owner is having a hard time deciding what to do with the five extra minutes he got after he reduced travel time by driving like a crazed messenger of the apocalypse along EDSA. “The thing is I was expecting to arrive around 12:36 but after driving like Satan’s personal driver, I found myself here in the parking lot at 12:31,” Norbert shared with Agila News while we found him idling near the mall entrance.

Along the way, Norbert was able to summon half a lifetime’s worth of cursing and death threats muttered under the collective breaths of other drivers who at one point referred to him as God’s scourge to Philippine roads.

“I think I almost killed a balut vendor, but that’s only because I had to change lanes because the rightmost lanes was becoming slower by a few meters per second. This is also different from the close call I had with a Vios. **** that Vios man. Can’t he see I was in a hurry?”

Asked for what exactly he was hurrying for, Mr. Ilagan took his time answering. “Life, pare. You have to make the most out of life. An extra minute on the road is another minute wasted. That’s why I live by a code that my 14yo son tells me can also be called “Y.O.L.O.” Is it worth the risk? Hell yeah.”

As for the five minutes, Norbert still cannot decide what to do with it. “I think I’ll wait for parking near the entrance for the next fifteen minutes. Kakatamad maglakad eh.”

Satan could not be reached for comment on the issue.

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