Bongbong Marcos To Run As Dictator


“Why not coconut?” – Bongbong Marcos (paraphrased)

Following the recent announcements of Grace Poe and Chiz Escudero to run for Presidency and Vice-presidency in the 2016 elections, Senator Bongbong Marcos gave further details on his previous announcement to run for a “higher office”

The higher office in question, apparently being National Dictator.

“I’ve made up  my mind. I’ll be running for dictator.”

Asked if he meant President during the prescon, the senator shook his head.

“The position has been vacant for almost 30 years, and I think I am the most best person to fill that role both in name and in qualification. Parang ako rin lang po si Pres. Noynoy at Grace Poe. Gusto ko rin ituloy ang laban ng aking ama.” he said at the event held in Century Hotel Thursday afternoon. “Look at Singapore, Malaysia and North Korea. We’re lagging in the authoritarian rankings. Am I the only one who misses martial law? Ansaya ko kaya nun! This is what you call Throwback Thursday, right?”

Attending the presscon are the numerous supporters comprised of 18-20yo kids who have never witnessed Martial Law and think Ferdinand Marcos is the best president ever because of some videos they watched and shared on Facebook.  One of the participants, a regular of circlejerk hate groups like showbizgovernment and getrealphilippines commented: “Yes! Salamat kay Bongbong, maeexperience na rin namin ang blackouts, crony capitalism, random salvages and banning of robot animelike Voltes V first hand! Magiging parang first world na tayo! Mabuhay si Marcos!

Enrile was also seen at the event, fiddling with his fingers reminiscent of Mr Burns from the Simpsons.

Elsewhere, upon hearing this announcement, leftist activist groups like Kabataan, Bayan, and Kapit-Tuko appear to be rejoicing. “YEHEY, sa wakas, may silbe na ulit kami!” they were heard shouting in unison the same day. In conjunction, the APO Hiking Society has made plans for a reunion concert late next year.
Breaking Update: PHILVOCS has also attributed constant minor  temblors felt in the area of Paranaque to Bongbong Marcos’ announcement and the consequential high-speed spinning of Benigno Aquino Jr and Corazon Aquino in their graves. DENR and the National Grid Corp are studying plans on harnessing this for electricity generation by attaching them to turbines.

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