Researchers conclude that Filipinos always win, unless their opponents cheat or something

“Why are you making Miss Philippines hold my sash, flowers and crown? …. OH …. DAMMIT STEVE!” – Miss Universe 2015, err, Miss Columbia 2015

“We studied about 100 or so cases of a Filipino individual or team going up against a foreign opponent, ” said Dr. James Buthurrt of the University of Wisconsin. who lead the study. “Filipinos have won 100% of them, unless they were somehow cheated or some elaborate conspiracy took place, according to every post on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.”

“This is not based on any scientific study, or fact-finding mission, or serious research. This conclusion was reached mainly based on comments and reactions on social media, ” Dr. Buthurrt clarified to Agila News.

Here are some of the researchers findings:

  1. Jessica Sanchez should have won American Idol season 11 because Phillip Phillips isn’t even a real name.
  2. Mayweather did not beat Pacquiao. Floyd just employed a legitimate strategy that exploited a weakness that Manny had. Boxing should be about punching, not strategy. Therefore, Mayweather is Gayweather, Now and Forever.
  3. Steve Harvey did not make a human mistake. This was undoubtedly racial in nature and meant to subvert Pinoy pride.
  4. Miss Columbia posted pictures of her still wearing the Miss Universe crown, not because she wanted to enjoy and relive the few minutes wherein she had briefly won or assure her countrymen that her spirits were still up, but because she refused to believe the Philippines had won and wanted to start a campaign against Filipinos.
  5. Smart Gilas did not lose to Iran in the 2013 Asian Championship. Iran used an unfair tactic of scoring more points than Gilas, thus winning.
  6. The Chinese basketball team did not beat Smart Gilas at the FIBA 2015 Asia Championship. I don’t care what you say. We didn’t lose.

“It is almost impossible to find a case wherein Filipinos unanimously agree that their opponents were better at something or won fair and square. As far as they are concerned, there is no need to improve on anything because Pinoys are the best at everything that ever was or will ever be.”

Dr. Buthurrt wanted to also state for the record that if the reverse had happened at Miss Universe 2015, meaning the crown was removed from Philippines and given to Columbia instead, the levels of anger and self-righteous Facebook posts and #PinoyPride hashtags would have effectively overloaded the Internet, that would shut down power grids, taking down major utilities, which would have effectively ended all life on the planet.


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