All posts by Chase Yale

The essence of journalism is the heart. Moving around it are the planets. If dog run sixteen ramifications treaty pie.

BREAKING NEWS. Palace: September 28, 2017 an official (non-working) national day of “working” unpaid holiday of working and paid vacation.

“Para malinaw lang kung me pasok o wala.”

To shed light on the confusion between conflicting announcements of Department of Labor and Pineapples (DOLE)  and Malacanang, another communication memo was released by the Malacanang communication team to clarify the situation:

“To make way for the ASEAN meetup happening in Metro Manila, September 28, 2017 an official  (non-working) national day of ‘working unpaid holiday of working and paid vacation (peksman mamatay man)*” according to Exec Secretary Sally Mendiola.

1

Official memorandum of understanding the understandable.

When asked for clarification, this note was distributed to the press. “I hope this sheds light on the situation,” Mendiola said Thursday evening to the collective groans of HR and Accountants.

Asked for comment, Rex Millora, accountant said the following: “Puta, ano raw?!”

Thank you, Malacanang.

*DTI NCR Permit Number 23334 series of 2007

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Duterte cusses at Philippine President : “Wag syang makilalam. Mumurahin ko talaga sya sa mukha nya.”

Que?
“Wag syang makikialam.”

In the latest development of Rodrigo Duterte’s other war: his war with words, the Philippine president accidentally cursed at the Philippine president, at himself. He said these strong words during a press conference held after gracing the graduation ceremony of the latest batch of preschoolers in ‘Lil Salamangkera Daycare center in Bagong Ilog, Pasig early Monday.

Since taking to power, Duterte has been consistently  in the headlines around the world for his scathing remarks and cusses against leaders of various  countries. Although allegedly mostly taken out of context, these statements have been largely controversial, and now it seems, even the current Head of State of his own country, the Philippines, has not been spared.

“P*tanginga nya kung makikialam sya,” Duterte said, “I take my war on drugs seriously and anybody and I mean anybody who tries to politicize my efforts is my enemy. Putangina. Wag syang makikialam. Mumuhrahin ko talaga sya sa mukha nya.”

The statement came about when BANATAN reporter Marvin Manlibog asked him a totally -not-leading question:  “Mr. President, what can you say about the efforts of the current head of state of the Republic of the Islands That Used to Be Colonized By Spain, Japan and the United States – the Philippines,  who has repeatedly contradicted your statements on the War on Drugs?”

This totally-not-intentional poorly worded question infuriated President Duterte beyond reasoning and triggered a lecturing spiel that ensured that the journalists  will not have to look for any other news for the next seven days and just spend their time rehashing different reactions from all over the internet.

“Boom panes,” a reporter was quoted saying after updating the scoreboard on who gets to rile Duterte up and make him cuss the most.

When Duterte was asked what he had to say on what  Duterte said against Duterte, Duterte replied “Duterte says what Duterte thinks Duterte does without caring what Duterte feels about it. Ganyan lang talaga ako.”

Spokesperson Martin Andanar insists after the presconn that Duterte was in fact not cussing at himeself. The spiel was directed at the reporters. And that he was taken out of context as he was actually rapping the lyrics of his favorite Salbakuta song, “S2pid Luv”

Analysts are now trying to see if the rap lyrics match the speech.