Tag Archives: corruption

Local Idiot defends Martial Law using website of even bigger Idiot

An Artists Rendering of what the Internet would look like with Martial Law

Rolanj Gastok is a modern day rebel. Despite all the evidence and facts stating the contrary, this fucking moron still thinks that Martial Law, “isn’t that bad“.

“I know that every peer-reviewed book, both local and international, paints Martial Law in the Philippines as it’s darkest hour, but I still think this is just being exaggerated.”, Gastok tells Agila News in an exclusive interview.

“Sure, I can go on the Internet and look at hundreds upon hundreds of online articles that chronicle the human rights violations that occurred as well as the huge economic debt that was accumulated which my children, and their children, and their children’s children will forever have to pay off. ” the stupid dumbass continues. “Or, I can go http://www.takethispilipinas.com and read unverified nonsense and unsubstantiated conjecture that feeds the inner troll in me that believes anything opposite of the status quo because it seems cooler.”

Agila News contacted the asshole that runs TakeThisPilipinas to ask his sources, and he just sent a picture of his actual asshole. This confirms studies and investigative reports that most pro-Martial Law people are full of shit.

Agila News is painfully aware that a lot Martial Law defenders might get offended by this post. That in retaliation, they might post their own horribly written articles attacking this or any entity that shows a any opinion than differs from their own. Agila News should remind these idiots that the reason anyone is allowed to speak their mind at all was because the Filipinos rose up against Martial Law.

And just because Agila News is against Martial Law does not mean that they are pro-Aquino or under the payroll of the Yellow Conglomerate. It just means that Agila News is ANTI-getting-their-nipples-electrocuted.


LTO officials proud of latest list of ridiculous fines

LTO officials are overjoyed at a brand new list of fines that they are presenting to the public in the next couple of weeks. “These new fines further our long-standing and unwavering commitment to take as much money from the average Filipino as possible. As an organization, this could be our proudest moment.”

A senior LTO official, who asked not to be named, recounted what led to the conceptualization of these fines. “After the brilliant idea to fine consumers for not using LTO sanctioned screws, we wanted to top ourselves. So we started brainstorming, but our minds just drew a blank.”

He continued, “The spark that helped us came when one of our most senior members stood up and said, ‘Guys … what would Satan do?’. Needless to say that after we all heard that, ideas just started flying around the room.”

Agila News was given an exclusive insider preview of some of the new fines they plan to introduce:

1. Driving without an official LTO drivers license card jacket
2. Parking without an official LTO rear view mirror
3. Cleaning your car without an official LTO sponge and hose
4. Operating a PUV without an official LTO good morning towel
5. Driving while under the influence of a non officially sanctioned LTO beverage
6. Riding a motorcycle without a helmet full of LTO stickers
7. Listening to non LTO approved radio stations while driving, riding or looking at cars

LTO officials are looking to implement these whether you like it or not.