Tag Archives: pdaf

Napoles asks Supreme Court to “wrestle for my freedom”

File:Janet Lim-Napoles mugshot.jpg

“No, I do not think this is an odd request,” said Napoles head of counsel. “This was how it was done in the ‘Gladiator’ movie. We are just asking the supreme court to afford Mrs. Napoles the same privelege.”

Janet Napoles is linked with the alleged misuse of the Priority Development Assistance Fund, or PDAF, together with Senators Bong Revilla, Jinggoy Estrada, and Juan Ponce Enrile. Other government officials, including several prominent congressmen, are also implicated in the scam.

In the aforementioned Gladiator film, Russel Crowe plays fictional character General Maximus Meridius (Janet Napoles) who is betrayed by Commodus (Benhur Luy), played by Joaquin Phoenix, and is sold to slavery. Maximum (Napoles) rises through the ranks of the gladiatorial arena to avenge the murder of his family (senators) and his emperor (Enrile), and ultimately wins his freedom (ulol).

“There is definitely some historical and legal precedence for this. All through out history, people have literally “fought” for their freedom, on the streets and in the courtrooms. I do not see why this should not be allowed in our present day. I am sure that the Filipino people are more progressive thinking and liberal minded, and will be open to this idea.”, said Atty. Seenu Nga-Lin in a press conference at the law offices of Go, Goh and Glow.

When asked by Agila News who Mrs Napoles is ready to wrestle against, Atty. Seenu replied, “Anyone!”

Seenu continued, “For example, give me a name of a well-known wrestler. Any wrestler or fighter you can think of”

“I don’t know. Maybe CM Punk, or John Cena, or Bati-”

“IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THEIR NAMES ARE! BECAUSE JANET “THE SNAKE” NAPOLES IS RUNNING WILD ON YOU!”, Seenu shouted at reporters while making circling motions with his hands, and then pointing towards the sky.

“… AND THAT’S THE BOTTOM LINE, BECAUSE WE FILED AN INJUCTION YESTERDAY!”, Atty. Nga-Lin then flipped over the podium and ran inside the office.

The Supreme Court has yet to make a ruling on this petition.


Santa Claus “Naughty/Nice” List Unconstitutional – Bayan Muna

Manila, Philippines

Holiday Showdown: The other "tanda" (left). Neri Colmenares (right).
Holiday Showdown: The other “tanda” (left).  Bayan Muna Rep. Neri Colmenares (right).

Just days after the Supreme Court of the Philippines declared the senate’s Priority Development Assistance Fund (PDAF) unconstitutional and weeks after the President had to issue an on-air speech defending the president’s Disbursement Allocation Program, Partylist group Bayan Muna is now bringing the spotlight to yet another possibly controversial fund – the Christmas Gift fund of Santa Claus.

“Think about it. Every Christmas, Santa Claus – the real “Tanda” – has enough resources to give gifts to every non-naughty kid in the Philippines AND the rest of the world. Who approves the purchases of this unelected official? Jesus?” Bayan Muna Partylist Representative Neri Colmenares said in a press conference organized in front of the iconic Manila C.O.D on Monday morning.

Colmenares further highlighted the lack of check and balance when approving which kid gets to be in the naughty list and which kid falls in the nice list. “We’re talking about systematically bribing future voters here. Partisan politics at its worst. The whole arrangement is prone to abuse, and quite frankly, could be used as “papogi” in case Tanda decides to run for any position in the 2016 national elections. We are not even talking about the possible unwarranted, extrajudicial surveillance on quite possibly all Filipino households that comes with the Christmas Gift fund. Everything about it violates the Constitution.”

During the event, Bayan Muna presented a 20-slide PowerPoint 2000 presentation complete with Santa Claus clipart and Christmas-themed wordart to stress the issue. Some protesters were wearing Santa hats and pork masks. The planned effigy burning Santa Claus and his Chief of Staff – Atty. Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer did not push through however, with some BAYAN members citing that they have already written in their letter wishes to Santa for that year and would rather not be included in the “Naughty” list.

Manuel Sikat, one of the Bayan Muna organizers commented they originally planned on staging the protest at the North Pole and not in Greenhills. “We tried to mount an expedition to get the message close, pero hindi  talaga kinaya (we couldn’t do it). Too dangerous. We had to stop when three protesters died along the way and we only got as far as Marcos Highway. ”

San Juan resident and incumbent Senator Jinggoy Estrada was also present at the press con, who was later quoted as saying “Oo nga! Oo nga! Kitams?” repeatedly.

“This arrangement makes “Tanda” a very powerful man,” Colmenares said in closing, “And it has to stop.”

Santa Claus has not yet replied to the letters Agila News have written to comment on the issue, because really, when was the last time anybody saw a reply to a letter to Santa?

Bayan Muna first came into the limelight after exposing the Easter Bunny’s illegal unborn chicken trafficking activities last 2012.